Coaches & Leadership
There’s a conversation you haven’t had yet.
You know what it is. You know who it’s with. And you know that the reason you haven’t had it has something to do with how uncomfortable it’s going to be — for them, for you, for the relationship, for the short-term dynamic in the room.
And while you’ve been waiting for the right moment, the cost of not having it has been accumulating.
Read this passage slowly.
Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.
Proverbs 27:5–6 — NIVLet that sit for a second before you move.
Open rebuke over hidden love. The coach who withholds the hard feedback to protect the relationship is not actually protecting the relationship. They’re prioritizing their own comfort over the athlete’s development. That’s not love. It’s the appearance of it.
Every week a necessary conversation is deferred, several things accumulate. The problem the conversation would address gets more established. The athlete continues in a pattern they need to break without knowing they need to break it. The coach’s frustration or concern grows without the athlete having any information about it. And the relationship develops a subtle dishonesty — the coach is experiencing something about the athlete that the athlete doesn’t know the coach is experiencing.
The hard conversation, when it’s finally had, almost always goes better than the coach anticipated. Athletes can usually handle more honest feedback than coaches give them credit for — especially when the feedback is delivered with genuine care and without contempt. What athletes can’t handle well is finding out that their coach had a concern they never voiced.
Have the conversation. Not to check a box or because you’re supposed to. Because you actually care about the person enough to do the uncomfortable thing that serves them. That’s the wound from a friend that can be trusted.
Every week a necessary conversation is deferred, the cost of not having it accumulates. The conversation almost always goes better than you feared.
What is the conversation you’ve been avoiding? Name the person, the topic, and what you’re afraid will happen if you have it.
Naming the specific conversation is the work. Don’t let the answer stay general.
Have the conversation. The wound from a friend can be trusted.
This devotional works well in a coaches’ accountability group where coaches hold each other to having necessary conversations rather than deferring them.