What to Do When You’re Frustrated

Let me tell you what frustration feels like in a game.

You made the same mistake twice. Or a call went against you that wasn’t fair. Or you’re working really hard and nothing is going right. And something inside you starts to boil. Your face does something. Your body language changes. Sometimes it comes out of your mouth before you even decide to say it.

Frustration is normal. Every athlete feels it. The question is what happens next.

Read this passage slowly.

Let that sit for a second before you move.

A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict. That means when you let your frustration explode — when you throw something, yell at a teammate or a ref, stomp off — you make things worse for yourself and everyone around you. The patient person calms things down. That’s the one who actually helps the team.

So here’s a three-step plan for frustration in a game. Step one: take one big breath. Seriously. Just one. It sounds too simple but it actually works — it slows your brain down before you do something you’ll regret. Step two: say something helpful or say nothing at all. “Let’s go” or “next play” is fine. A complaint or a put-down is not. Step three: get back to the game. The best response to frustration is usually just to play better on the next possession.

This is a skill. You can get better at it. And the players who can manage their frustration are incredibly valuable — because when the game gets hard, they keep their heads while everyone else is losing theirs.

Honest self-assessment. Most kids already know the answer to this. Creating space to say it out loud is the point.