Chaplain Toolkit
You’re about to go into a room where someone is in the worst moment of their life.
Or you just came from one. And the thing that you’re most aware of is the gap between what the situation required and what you were able to offer.
I want to talk about what pastoral care in crisis actually looks like. Because it almost never looks the way we think it will.
Read this passage slowly.
A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.
Proverbs 25:11 — NIVLet that sit for a second before you move.
A word fitly spoken. The key word is fitly — the right word at the right time, in the right setting. Not a word spoken because silence is uncomfortable. Not a word spoken because you feel the pastoral obligation to say something. The word that fits.
In most crisis pastoral care situations, the word that fits is much shorter than we expect. It is often not a word at all — it is a presence. The chaplain who shows up, who stays, who doesn’t fill the silence with theology or comfort or explanation, who simply sits in the hard place alongside the person who is in it — that chaplain is doing the most important thing available.
What not to say in crisis: anything that begins with “at least.” Any theological explanation for why this happened. Any reference to silver linings or God’s purposes before the person has had significant time to grieve. Any comparative suffering. Any implication that the person should be responding differently than they are.
What to say: I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. You don’t have to be okay. I’m so sorry. Those are the fitly spoken words. Simple. True. Enough.
The chaplain who simply stays in the hard place alongside the person in it is doing the most important thing available. Presence is the word that fits most often.
What is your instinct when you’re in a crisis room and the silence is long? What would it look like to let the silence be what it is?
Self-awareness about the instinct to fill silence. The chaplain who can tolerate silence is more useful in crisis than the one who can’t.
Show up. Stay. Don’t fill the silence. I’m here is almost always the right thing to say.
This devotional is useful preparation before crisis situations and reflection after them. It is for the chaplain’s own practice, not for delivery to athletes.